Talking Tiitty!

I haven't written anything here for ages - so sorry! I could put it down to school holidays, writers' block (aka: lack of imagination recently), or doing loads of research cos I may be starting a business soon (sooo excited - will tell more when it happens). Anyway, here I am back with a look at what inspired me to write this tonight.

I went with my gorgeous pal Koan to the hospital today. She is going to have breast augmentation soon and this was the second meeting with the Consultant. Since I breastfed both my boys and, indeed, managed almost a full year with Little Beaver, my titties are pretty ok size-wise. 'More than a mouthful's a waste' is my motto!

At the first meeting two different types of implant were shown to us (I say 'us' cos though it is absolutely none of my business, I feel compelled to get involved and find out everything in a 'someday I will be at a dinner party and this subject will come up and I will be the expert' kind of way). Actually Koan asked me to be her chaperone so I was there in an 'official' capacity. The other reason she wanted me there - and I readily agreed - was because I pointed out that her Surgeon in London was such a bit of totty that I am now her 'totty-monitor'.

So, having ticked the totty box, I'll leave that question hanging here - we perused the silicon chicken fillets. I say 'we' in the way the Queen does, cos I didn't get a feel..... I was miffed! Later Koan confessed that when the Consultant had said 'Be careful, they puncture easily' she knew that I would have been spraying silicon across the room cos I am so accident prone. There seem to be two types - one that are the round 'Jordan/Pammie' types and another that are kinda 'Perky Tittie'. 'Perky Tittie' are more expensive, but have a great 'perkie' look about them. I think they are called 410's so if you feel compelled - do a Google!

So there were the obvious questions: When can this happen? (Kinda screwed a bit for Koan cos we are going on holiday and she is on Ozzy (the dog) watch), but since the Double D's might take a while to come in, it might not be a problem. How long in hospital? Apparently only usually just the one night. How long will it be sore? Perhaps about a week..... Well try having titties you can't have walk past within a foot distance cos you cause of the breeze that chuffing hurts.... about once a month!! (Am I sympathetic enough -PMT just now so excuse me!)

I had this mega evil thought though when I asked about when Koan could drive again. We had a good laugh about it when we drove home. Apparently you know you can drive when you can do an 'emergency stop'. I have suggested that we will spend a few days with me driving and unexpectantly hammering onto the brakes. Don't know how she will feel about it at the time we do it, but laughing about it just now.

Sure there is more to follow ...keep in touch!

Our few days away...

I took the boys down to England to visit my Mum and other members of my family earlier this week.

My Mum is 85 years old and is wonderful. She's a bit wobbly on her legs and a bit deaf, but otherwise is amazing for her age. She lives in accommodation for older people which is overseen by Wardens who make sure all is well with everyone there. Being up here in Scotland, it is very comforting to know she is being looked after whilst maintaining her independence.

I noticed a couple of things that made me think - will I do that when I'm older? Things like introducing myself by firstly telling my age, then my list of ailments and finally my name. Have you ever noticed that is what older people do? "Hello love, I'm 82 you know?" Don't be fooled into thinking this is a real stand-alone question - never attempt to answer because they haven't got all the information out for you to respond to yet! You may be forgetting that you have to firstly hear the ailment list. "I've just had my gall-bladder taken out and I told the doctors - just whip it out lovey, I'll do just a well without it. If I survived the war I can survive a little cut, can't I? Would the little ones like to see it? It's just in this jar" This is the time you can respond. There will be an audible pause. Good responses are "You're amazing" or "I hope I look as good as you when I'm 82". Yes, by the way, it probably is in a jar in the handbag - and no, don't let your kids see it!

Another thing I noticed starts even earlier. My good friend Big A was in hospital recently. Big A is only 56, but still did what I notice older people doing. It is basically forgetting that sound travels through air. I was visiting Big A in hospital and he was telling me what a p.i.a. the guy in the hospital bed was - so loudly it was untrue. He said if this guy didn't stop ringing the f*ing nurses' bell he was going to put it somewhere the sun don't f*ing shine. (Few more f*ings, but you know what I mean?) This guy was about 8 feet away. OK his curtain was around his bed, but since when did they provide soundproof curtains on the NHS? We visitors start wishing the chairs we are sitting on would swallow us up like in some crappy horror film!

So will I do all this when I get old? Probably!